Kitty Patty-Cake - Fun or Dangerous?

Oakdale, MN - - Judge for yourself. Harmless kitty fun? Or a game where someone could lose an eye?


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William Has Bunny Feet

Los Angeles, CA - - Even though they are dirty bunny feet, William the Cat, astounds again with his abundance of unbelievable cuteness.

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Unidentified Lying Object (ULO)

West Hollywood, CA - - An Unidentified Lying Object (ULO) has been spotted in an apartment complex in West Hollywood. Authorities are currently investigating the matter and asking the neighbors to stay calm despite a scattering of strange crystals and hydro-magnetic plasma in the area. If you have any information regarding this sighting, the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) has requested you contact them immediately.

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Cat Boom Town

Ponte Vedra, FL - - Formerly homeless cats can now park their furry bottoms at Caboodle Ranch, a 30 acre cat paradise founded by Craig Grant in 2003.


The ranch boasts not only homes but a full service community for kitties with amenities as Cat Condos, public areas as well as a City Hall for kitties to iron their differences apart and make their voices heard.


After a mandatory spay/neuter, cats are automatically enrolled in a work-study program where they perfect their purring and lounging skills with the help of Caboodle Ranch volunteers. Despite the self-sustaining purring, Caboodles Ranch is privately run and always appreciates donations. You can also keep up with the latest news by joining Caboodles Ranch Facebook page.

Cozy Cat Condos.

Cats enjoying a jaunt in one of Caboodle Ranch's many well maintained public areas.

Caboodle Ranch City Hall with Honorable Toddles residing on the roof.

The founder of Caboodle Ranch, Craig Grant with his two favorite things. Entenmanns and kitties.

Not all is purrr...fect as there is a high incident of loitering at Caboodle Ranch.

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What Cats Really are Saying

Sheba the Cat Predictor

South Africa - - In an amazing feat of clairvoyance, Sheba a small, long-haired black cat predicts the color of Peter's underpants...the day before it happens. While initially Sheba was disinterested in using her psychic abilities for something so obviously commercial, she finally acquiesced after spending some time staring at the space underneath an unidentified door and predicted blue as the shocking color of Peter's underpants, the day before it happens.

Will Sheba be correct? Or perhaps will Peter's underpants be another color like yellow. And if his underpants are indeed yellow - where did Peter purchase them and more importantly - why? Why? These questions and more will be revealed at the Big Breakfast, a top Radio station from South Africa.

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Kitty ipad Review

Des Moines, Iowa - - If you're still on the fence wondering if you should spend $499 on an iPad, and looking for answers, this review by Iggy the Cat, a silver tabby with white feet, possibly related to William the Cat may help you make that final decision.

Overall, the iPad was really nice. Not to heavy that it isn't convenient to carry around so I can play wherever I go and not so light that it skitters all over the place when I am using it. The resolution is very sharp and colorful. It would be difficult to distinguish between a real mouse and a virtual mouse, which to me, is the ultimate test.

The screen was very responsive to my paws, the navigation was straight forward, and there were lots of engaging applications. I played with one with a green worm that squiggled around in a really intriguing way and another app where I could create some great music - which gives me a lot of great ideas for GarageBand. Another great plus- my claws didn't scratch the surface - although I haven't sharpened them in a while on my scratching post because I have been scratching them on the newly upholstered sofa instead.

All in all, I think for the sole purpose of entertaining me, Iggy the Cat, the $499 on an iPad is money well spent which goes without saying because honestly - is there is anything more important than my happiness and well being?

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William's Deep Thoughts

My name is William, and I am a grey, striped cat with white feet and a freckle on my nose. I live in a quiet suburb that is East of Pasadena called Monrovia if you must know. Most people don't know where that is but is next to Arcadia. Anyway, that's not what I want to discuss today. What I want to discuss is my catnip patch. I have my very own personal catnip patch under a fig tree. I realize I am lucky as many cats don't even have a home much less their own catnip patch under a fig tree but still it's mine. It's green and lovely and I spend a lot of time in it. During the day there are no problems. But the minute the sun sets and I am in my house, and can't get out no matter how much I meow, a black cat appears from nowhere and goes straight to my catnip patch. He smells and rolls around in it - like it belongs to him! I find this cat unbearably rude. What kind of cat just goes into someone else's' yard and then rolls around in their catnip patch? The other day I was so mad; I ran right into the glass sliding door and hit my head really hard. It made a loud noise and it hurt. It made me so cranky I couldn't even enjoy the fireworks. It's just not right. This just burns me up.

Have Kitty, Will Travel!

Monrovia, California - - Have ever struggled with getting kitty into their carrier to take on holiday or God forbid, to the vet? Have you ever wondered, "If they can put a man on the moon, why isn't there are easier way to transport my cat?" Well, your prayers have been answered with the revolutionary, patent-pending cardboard kitty carrier that boasts these amazing benefits:

• Easy to get kitty in as kitties love cardboard boxes!


• Allows kitty to see what is going on, but safe for you!


• Stackable! Packs kitties more efficiently in limited spaces!


• Recyleable!

What is especially wonderful, is that you can make this carrier yourself with just a recyleable cardboard box, a compass, exacto knife, packing tape and a cat.

STEP 1 - find a recyleable cardboard box that is appropriately size for your kitty.

STEP 2 - using your compass, draw a circle on one side of your box.

STEP 3 - Use an exacto knife to cut out a hole making sure it is big enough for your cat's head to come out but, not big enough other things like paws can come out.

STEP 4 - Find cat.

STEP 5 - Use packing tape to pack cat in box. Presto!

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WILLIAM GETS WORMS

Monrovia, California - - This story is true and particularly disgusting. So if you get grossed out easily, do not read on. I can guarantee you won't like it.


William, a grey, striped, blue tabby was found with worms today. This was evidenced by a worm coming out of his bum that resembled a piece of rice, except it moved in a particularly revolting manner. Why? Why? must it look like rice I ask you?


Thankfully this will be remedied soon by picking up some medication at William's vet which thankfully can be purchased without having William present. The vet's office declined my offer to bring in a worm sample.


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Man Marries Cat - Yes, it's True

Possendorf, Germany - - Yes, it's really true. Uwe Mitzscherlich has tied the knot with his cat Cecilia. Over the past 10 years, Cecilia has been living in sin with Uwe. Even though she slept in his bed every night, coughed up hair balls and shed all over the place, making her way to the altar just seemed to delude her, giving weight to your mother's favorite axiom "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" However, recently Cecilia has fallen ill and Uwe has finally decided to do the right thing and make Cecilia an honest cat by marrying her.

Unfortunately, since marrying cats is illegal in Germany and as far as we know, illegal in most countries, actress Christin-Maria Lohri officiated the ceremony for a mere 300 Euros ($360 US). "It was really beautiful and heart-warming. There wasn't a dry eye in the house." She also added, "The reception dinner was particularly elegant. I didn't know you could prepare tuna in so many ways."

"It doesn't matter that our marriage is not recognized by the Republic of Germany," Mitzscherlich has been reported to say, "I love Cecilia and that's all that matters."

The groom looked elegant in his classic black coat and tails. The bride looked also wore black and white and was radiant in a lovely Chantilly lace veil and her own tail.

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Turn Your Couch Potato Physique to Beach Body Sleek

Is your belly dragging on the ground? Is the girth of your middle preventing you from insinuating your hairy body into places it shouldn't be going in the first place? Are you looking more like a furry cheese wheel these days than a toned predator, feared and respected by the underlings that surround you? Well, with summer right around the corner, here are some tips that will get you beach body ready in no time!

• Cardio is king. We recommend chasing the unseen object, climbing curtains or in our example above, running on a treadmill.


• Get a workout partner. It doesn't matter if they are long-haired, short haired or no-haired. They will help you keep committed to your exercise regime.


• Ramp it up. There is nothing like ramping up your exercise to get the blood flowing and to drop those pounds.


• Don't give up. It takes time to build up your endurance!

Stop Your Kitty From Spraying!

Dear William,
I am an unfixed kitty and I can't stop spraying. Now my house smells like a litterbox. Please help!

--Un-Spayed and Spraying in Schenectady

Dear Spraying,
If you have started spraying for reasons other than being in heat, having multiple kitties in your household or being an unfixed boy cat coming of age - you may be spraying because you are not feeling well. For example, if you are a female you may be having urinary tract problems. A visit to the vet, although visits to the vet are always clearly, undesirable, is in order. You should also plan to get spayed or neutered as soon as possible.

To prevent spraying, it is ideal to be spayed or neutered before you come of age. Spaying or neutering after you come of age will often stop the spraying but is not a guarantee. However there are multiple benefits to being fixed. One is that it helps stop pet overpopulation. Unlike humans, you do not need to have children to make your life complete (and even with humans the concept of children rounding out your life is questionable -- just ask anyone with children.) Being spayed or neutered will also increase your chance to live a longer and healthier life.

So first step, get fixed. The Humane Society offers many low-cost programs for you.

Clean Green Recipe

• 1/4 cup Murphy's Oil Soap


• 1 cup vinegar


• 8 cups (warm) water


• Squeeze of lemon or orange (optional)

The area that has been sprayed should be cleaned with a commercial cleansing product, like Feliway, or the non-toxic, green mixture my mom likes: 1 cup vinegar, 1/4 cup of Murphy's Oil Soap and 8 cups of warm water (a squeeze of lemon or orange helps make this smell even better and acts as an antiseptic). Another mixture that works is a squeeze of dishwashing liquid, a 1/4 cup of bleach of bleach and 8 cups of warm water. Beware of this last mixture as bleach can damage some fabrics (including something you might be wearing) as well as certain finishes.

Then it is all about rinse and repeat. Wipe the area clean once a day to get rid of any lingering scent (even if your human can't smell it) and place a small, shallow, untippable dish full of vinegar in the area. Then each day for a week, wipe down the area again with your mixture and make sure the vinegar has not all evaporated. After the spraying stops, leave the dish of vinegar there for a few weeks in case you have any bad ideas. If you are a rowdy kitty and prone to tip things over, a glass jar with a lid with holes punched in the lid to let the vinegar scent out works as well.

It is very important to take care of spraying immediately. Do not wait before addressing the situation because bad habits are hard to kick for everyone.

Purrs,



William

Have a question for William? Please send your queries to
meow@kitty-planet.com.

BREAKTHROUGH SOLUTION FOR HAIRLESS CATS

New York, New York - - Hairless cats now have an exciting, life-changing solution for their hairlessness. Rogaine, has announced their latest line of hair care products for felines following their successful launches of Rogaine for Men and Women. "We are pleased the results are so dramatic," a Rogaine spokesperson noted, "but results may vary."

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CROP CIRCLE FOUND IN WISCONSIN LITTERBOX

Madison, Wisconsin - - While Snowball was attending to her Wednesday morning ablutions she discovered this shocking, mystifying pattern in her litter box. Experts say that this pattern is a pictorial representation of Pi. Authorities are baffled because the drawing is impossible to achieve in kitty litter with today's technology. No other kitties live at the Snowball residence.

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STONEHENGE UFO SIGHTING

Stonehenge, England - - A UFO was spotted earlier this morning above Stonehenge. Witnessed by thousands of tourists and documented in our exclusive Kitty Free Press photograph.

Witnesses say the UFO made a purring sound, gyrated above Stonehenge, then suddenly disappeared. Many were covered inexplicably after the sighting with white fur.

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CAT DU SOLEIL

Photograph courtesy of Christienne Miller

Las Vegas - - Cirque du Soleil is excited to announce it's latest show, Cat du Soleil. Featuring sinuous feline acrobats that perform death defying jumps and contortions, cat singers and dancers this show is not to be missed by anyone who considers themselves a kitty enthusiast.

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